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My two cents while freezing my lack there of balls off

Would rather listen? Welp now you can!

So last month after I was sure/un-sure if I hurt myself I decided that I wanted to try something new and exciting.

I had heard of Kristi ( a girl I know whom rocks my socks off) go to a Cryo-Therapy place for her foot issues. I always see her check in and wanted to try it but then again why would I? I mean I was feeling great!

*eye roll* 

So after my injury, the first thing that came to mind was why not give it a go?

So I posted on Facebook and got a few referrals on where to go or how it was, can I just tell you how bad I hate Facebook for gossip and conversation but how much I appreciate it when you need a referral or think your going to lose your eye ball due to your new kitten scratching your cornea?

true story…. I have bad JuJu right now I guess…*shrugs*

Thank God she’s cute…. Meet Callie the Calico

A.D.D back on track.

So I decided that I was going to go to The Cry Spa Fort Worth and give it a try..

Listen ya’ll I am a chicken shit… Like I dont like to try any new medications, I dont like to try anything that is going to make me feel weird, not in control or whatever.. My anxiety goes from 0 to 100 in a matter of seconds and I feel like I am dying…. true story

So when I went in to this spa, the ladies there made me feel so welcome and totally comfortable. I asked 101 questions and they were very calm with me and explained each thing I asked as well as how I would feel inside the chamber and what to look for..  You see I am the girl who would rather know EVERYTHING and be prepared for it all to happen than not know and it just happen and me think its weird..

So they take your blood pressure before you go back and then you get naked.. Ow Ow <3 You then place the socks that they provide for you on, a robe and then they hand you gloves..

So when you get in the room you take the robe off and get in the chamber.

Its literally like a stand up tanning bed with your head out of the top of it.. So its not scary at all…

You are in there a total of 3 minutes.

Not going to lie, I stepped out the first time after 2 minutes and 32 seconds.. I started freaking myself out because you start going numb and get all tingly, like your legs become heavy and they opened it up I stepped out and then stepped right back in to finish the 3 minutes.

You are cold…. but not like a Texas cold.. Its like a cold cold, which doesn’t make any more sense than what I said before does it.. hahahaha… I haven’t ever been cold like that before.. But it wasn’t an un bearable cold just like a its cold someone turn the fan off cold..

Anyways, after I got out I got dressed and didn’t feel much different.. I am not sure what I thought was suppose to happen in 3 minutes ( I mean I am pretty sure I got pregnant once in 3 minutes ) To Far?  I just laughed out loud I was kidding…. hahahahaha totally kidding. Anyways but I did expect to like sparkle in the sun or something…

But I didnt.

Welp, let me just tell you child…. I have NEVER and I mean NEVER, well maybe when I was 15 and or before I had kids.. slept so good in my entire life… ever… I woke up the next day a new woman.. I wasn’t stiff, I slept like a million bucks when I was waking up three and four times a night, and my limp from pain was very minimal! I also had more energy, normally I get tired mid day and for that whole week and the week after I didn’t “need” a nap or an extra coffee.

I went back that day and bought a 7 day pass and went all 7 days!

I highly recommend it and think it would be perfect for people with insomnia, MS, fibromialga or any arthritis or injury..

I will totally do it again and will consider getting a membership!

I will have to find one closer to home.. and it is pretty $$$ to “have” to do.. I would have to swap something out with it.. like no nails or pedis or something but it is pretty worth it!

If you haven’t tried it and have considered it I say go for it!

Let me know if you want me to go with you and I’ll hold your hand!

The tattoo guy finished my design…

With so much going on right now I have to wait to get it, I am thinking after our July 4th trip..

Its perfect. my water. my heart. music. and the coordinates

Have you ever watched this video…. Artist Marina Abramovic was doing a live art performance that consisted of spending one minute of silence with a complete stranger. Many people showed up, but her response to one person in particular gave me the goosebumps, and you’ll soon see why. She hasn’t seen him in 30 years… They left eachother with one last embrace at the great wall of China.

Talk about goosebumps

 

I mean if you don’t have to do it twice did you really even try the first time?

Would you rather listen? Now you can!

Well lets cut to the chase…

I fucked up.

I need surgery again.

So to read the back story of my back story you can go to my You Tube channel HERE

So a month ago I did a yoga class and the next day I couldn’t sit down, couldn’t lay down… and could barley move.

I KNEW i hurt myself… I knew it… My husband trying to be positive just talked me in to it being inflamed and okay, basically talked me off the ledge.

But deep down in my lack there of core I knew I messed it up.

Doing Yoga… not a roller coaster, or boat ride… or skiing in Colorado, didn’t slip… didn’t fall… not a high dive,  but yoga.

Fucking Yoga.

I tried everything you name it… foam rollers, anti inflammatory’s, cryo therapy, stretching, walking, resting, hot packs, cold packs…

I think I have re written this last part 4 times and then even tried to just record my raw feelings then I realized it was 16 minutes long and I said fuck a lot so here I am back to writing..

So last week I went in to the back doc and when I went in I had pretty much talked myself in to it just being inflammation… I just need steroids and some relaxers.. I have tramadol no big deal just something to calm my nerves down.. that’s all. Welp, Dr Henry just looked at me like um your the doctor or am I? So he did a few touch test, knocked my knee to check my reflexes and sent me for an Xray in office .. which looked great my spine is 100% stable….and in his words “just to be sure..” he said that we would need an MRI with and without contrast.

Just to be sure, cool I can swing that.

Going in for my MRI I am pretty sure I prayed the whole way there and then changing in to my scrubs I started to get choked up… I looked in the mirror in the dressing room and there I was.. The same strong girl who was here just two short years ago. Back in this small room, with the same x large scrubs and the same combination lock. Some how in that moment I knew what the outcome would be.. Ive hurt for to long.

In the MRI machine I laid there still and let the tears stream down my cheeks..

and I prayed.

Envision the place I went to was great to me, and gave me a DVD to take to the doctor.. one thing about being in the medical field is…. you can read those.

When I got home the first image I pulled up there it was..

Today was my appointment with Dr Henry, as he pulled up the images I was very strong in what I knew and what I saw but again I am not a doctor so I knew what he would say but I had a small glimmer of hope that it wasnt what I thought, or maybe it wasnt that bad..

You have re-herniated in a big way… you need surgery.

I lost it… I just started crying, I told him I knew and that I was over that hump in my life that I was on the other side… and Ive done this before and I just… I just…

So… he gave me options.

1 Epidural injections… pain meds & relaxers aka a band-aid until its necessary

2. Surgery next week

3 If the disc slips all the way out you have emergency surgery that day….

I told him thank you and that I needed time to process.

I then asked him can I lose more weight, can I work out, can I go to PT, can I get injections… can I fix this?

He said “Crystal you can lose weight but your not obese, that isnt going to help here… its like you have a rock in your shoe, you can change your laces even change your socks… but until you take your shoe off and take the rock out your foot is still going to hurt and bruise and maybe even bleed because you are walking on a rock…”

I asked about a fusion, he said it was overkill because my disc are healthy.. he thinks one more lamenectomy should fix me… and if not then there is a fusion involved.

I dont want surgery. I have cried so much today that I dont think I have any tears left to cry.

So I have decided against surgery for now… for now.

Maybe that is the wrong decision *shrugs* maybe I will regret that…. I dont know right now. This decision does come with risks.. He gave me things to watch out for like change in bladder control or frequency, also foot pain or loss of strength in my right foot… gone on for to long these things you cant get back.

Which is scary as fuck.

He said its a 95% chance not if I need surgery but when I will need surgery and I understand. Right now my pain is manageable,  when I sleep its a level 8 out of 10 but during the day I am okay-ish. We have summer plans with the kids, and a vacation with the husband and I… and its summer, I cant do that to my kids… I mean I am down for 4-8 weeks and then questionable after that. They deserve a good summer not a summer where mom is laid up on the couch cant move and is walking with a walker and picking shit up with a super grabber. So if or when I will get surgery….. if my body can withstand the herniation and not make it worse I am shooting for September….

Until then I watch what I eat, I keep my body as strong as I can, I walk  and I stay drugged at night hahaha

just being honest.

Through struggle comes strength.

and repeat.

Image from before I ever had surgery ( the one with the circle) and the one from today…. same level, same bullshit.

Happy 1 Year Anniversary Little Scar

Posted in Laminectomy, Medical, MIcrodiscotomy, My Back
on April 12, 2016

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If you would have told me this time last year that a year would go by fast I would have punched you in the throat, but first I would have to get you close enough because I wasn’t moving very um… fast….

Last year I had a laminectomy discectomy of the L4 L5 in my lower back. If you are not sure what that means, it means that they took a chunk of disc out of my spine…

A little re cap, but I want to focus more on the recovery of it all. I was having what I thought was hip pain for MONTHS. I used to rub a tennis ball on my butt cheek so hard and deep that I would bruise myself, I went to the chiro 952 times, took steroids, bought an inversion table, did yoga, stretched, was stretched at the chiro on some machine.. Until one day it was a snow storm and my dogs were laying on the floor looking so damn cute so I wanted to snuggle them, so I rolled off the couch and that was the end of it… I felt a pain so sharp that with the smallest of movements it felt like someone was stabbing me over and over again.. I couldn’t move. My awesome husband found a spine dr open that day and made me an emergency appointment… so after 2 mri’s one of my spine and another of my hip with a huge injection, 6 different opinions and lots of tears I had a doctor tell me that the nerve it was pinching controled my bladder and colon  and if I didnt decide on what I wanted to do soon, I would be peeing and pooping in a bag at 32 years old..

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After more tears, LOTS AND LOTS of prayer, more tears and more prayer my husband and I decided surgery was needed.

So I did it.. on April 13th of last year.

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I didnt sleep the night before, cried a lot… prayed a lot and my mom and sister came to stay with me.. it’s weird thats the one night I remember us EVER being a family and together and everyone got a long… and it was really a special night for me.. & I was so thankful to have them that night.

Surgery went well….

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Recovery was hard.

I was on a walker, then cane..

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then with patience and persistence I was on my own.

My husband and I walked hand in hand down the street.. it was also something simple that we do not do but it was so nice..

I remember thinking I would never sit comfortably in the bath again, tie my left shoe again or sit indian style again..

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Those were the three things that sucked the most.

When I tell you that its the small things we take for granted I mean it, its the small things.. like shaving your legs.. or tieing your shoe.. or sitting indian style, laying in the bathtub, doing a load of laundry or even laying in your own bed.. or just picking something up off the floor without a grabber! hahahaha

Then I got an infection… what the hell!

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But that to in time went away.

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So today… a year later.. I am happy to announce that I feel like surgery for me was the best option then and still the best option today. The pain I was in I do not wish that upon ANYONE! It was horrific..

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I can do everything I used to be able to do ( almost ) I can sit indian style, but try not to because come to find out its bad for your back as well as crossing your legs! I can run, I can jog, I can jump ( it still feels a bit weird) I work out at 100% now but I do not do any weights on my legs. I am sure I could but its just not a risk I am willing to take. I am also back in Spin class!!! I have my handlebars all the way up for support but um who cares!!

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The things that still feel weird are really my own fault.. I didnt stay stretching every day like I should have.. I should have stretched every single day… but I was a slacker.  Um laying straight back, feels weird so I do this side to back lay down, bending over straight down to touch my toes feels very wrong to..

Now I can do all of these things I just don’t like that weird pulling in my back I feel and I am 90% sure that is just the scar as well as me not doing what I am supposed to do and stretch every day.

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I take every pre caution I can, which is a personal decision not to ever have that pain or another surgery ever again. Will it happen maybe? but I pray not..

Dancing is also hard for me, which fucking sucks.

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I think the way I roll my body or something… like if I did it to much or for to long my butt cheek says whoa girl slow down ( or start stretching like you should anyway and you could do this fine)

I have had SO many people reach out to me via Instagram and Youtube about my videos and story. I plan on making a one year mark video today as well.

So all in all I am good, I feel good, I am back doing everything I was before just a little more careful than before. I have some weight to lose and I know that will help a ton also.

So if you are thinking about having the surgery what I recommend is this:

Pray about it.

Look up hashtags in instagram, this was my favorite and the best information! Find someone who has had this done and message them, ask for their number even! I know its weird but they wont think it is because they were just as scared as you!

Look on youtube

STAY OUT OF CHAT ROOMS!!!! They will scare the living shit out of you… Instead find a Facebook group, they are out there and so helpful when a few of you are going through surgery at the same time.

Pray about it.

If you decide to get it done.. then get a grabber get two of them because what ever drops on the floor is dead to you.. 0 fucks will be given. hahahaha Stock up on stool softners your bowels stay asleep for to long.. and it sucks… you’re welcome 🙂 Buy a wedge pillow and a TV tray, do atleast a weeks worth of crock pot meals and freeze them! this was a LIFE saver to me.. My husband worked all day so all I had to do was throw them in the crock pot and let them cook for 8 hours and I wasnt stressed. Wear your back brace… wear your back brace wear it all the time….

Lastly pray about it. 

Things will get better, easier and less painful.. do what the doctors say, take it easy even when you feel better.. dont sweep or mop because that sucks and you don’t even know it.. trust me.

I will say I do have a numb spot on my left leg, its like a strip and it feels really weird.. and my two end toes are hyper sensitive when touched.. the doctors say that it takes time for that to go away or “heal” and I am willing to deal with that over the pain any day!

God is good all the time y’all all the time.

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All the time.

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2 Months or 10 Weeks PO Update

Posted in Medical, MIcrodiscotomy, My Back
on June 23, 2015

recovery

Sorry I totally missed the 2 months post op update on the blog.

There was nothing I hated more before I had this surgery than to be following someone’s progress and them just stop. So I will try to keep these monthly updates up for about a year I think.

Pain:

On a scale from 1-10 my pain level on some days is a 3 and I really wouldnt even call it “pain” after you have surgery that pain you knew of before was like a whole new level of pain, it’s almost like trying to tell someone what having a baby feels like. If you don’t have a vagina or haven’t had one then there is really no point but saying shove a watermelon up there.. now get it out. That doesn’t even do it justice. So my level 3 pain is more of an ache… or a tightness that sometimes takes my breath away.

A few somethings new this month is, I don’t know if scar tissue is building up finally or what but sometimes when my back gets super tight, when I lay down I feel like someone has a golf ball set under me and I am laying on it. Again, I have NEVER had back pain just leg, butt and hip pain. So this new back ache thing is new and really for the birds… Some days my back just tightens up, not by the scar area up towards the middle of my back.  Then the 2nd new thing is my pelvis hurts.. like my lower back buttbone area.. like my bones…. then sometimes if I over do it my spine bones are sensitive.. to the touch. not my back muscles but if you put your hand on my spine and felt each bone through my skin, they are sensitive some days.. Super strange.

So those two things are new.

Other things that cause me pain are holding in my sneezes, coughing hard or laying on my stomach all night I can for SURE feel the difference in the morning.

That time of the month:

I have found this to be harder ( like you need that to be harder huh) I feel like I have more “pain” around that time. The back cramps or the aches seem to be stronger. Normally I can twist and pop my back and well the thought of doing that makes me want to vomit..

Working out:

So I have now been back at the gym for two weeks. 3 days a week. Everyone is different but it took me some time to figure out what worked for me the best to see what it was I needed to do. At the start I had bad days where I would wake up and it was like someone was stabbing me in my hip. So I would lay down and ice all day. I never got better…. Then I took someones advice on a facebook group I am in ( Hey Gene 🙂  ) and on bad days I walked more…. I know it sounds crazy but the more you lay around the worse you are going to feel. I am NOT saying go to the gym but I am saying get your ass up and start moving around.  I still have bad days and I walk and ice those days. Do a few of the stretches that the PT dr. gave me and then I ice that bad boy after I am all done.

Ice has been my best friend though this.

So at the gym I have started doing light weight more reps on my arms. NO more than 10lbs and I do about 25 x3. I have been walking about 4/5 miles a day. I wear my back brace at the gym.

I started swimming last week and it seems to help a lot of people but I have to say swimming was the 1st thing that the next morning made me hurt for the 1st time in over a month. It’s not like I was swimming hard core laps, I was walking the length of the pool, then bought a paddle board and was using that and then ab curls on the side of the pool. Now it doesn’t hurt when I am in there. I am weightless and awesome, but the next day is when I feel my hip,butt say Nah girl slow down! So I am not sure if its a nah girl slow down before you hurt yourself or Nah girl you are just using stuff you haven’t in a long time… ( yes my inner self is gangsta and speaks in ebonics)

Sex.

Hey girl hey…. So no one talked about this before, well besides the diagram at the dr’s office. So I thought I would. ( go figure) I just started to be able to have sex comfortably.. and comfortably is really pushing it, but that is the only word well……I guess I could say, nope… yeah I dont know what I could say. Again unless you have had the surgery your not going to understand this, oh and a female, not sure how the sex thing effects dudes. Anyway. There are only a few positions I can do and plenty that I cant do. That is saying more than before though because I was pretty convinced that someone forgot to tell me that I was never going to be able to do that again. Or enjoy it.  So I am 10 weeks this week and I am just now being able to be like okay this is okay… but dont move me I have to stay right here… type of thing. Awesome I know. hahaha then you have to help your partner get through the I dont want to hurt you or we cant afford for me to hurt you type of thing.

Sex has more to do about flexibility that I think more people are aware of and well. I went from bendy mendy  to silver sneakers at the gym for stretch time..

Over all:

You know I am pretty good overall… I still really want to stretch and can’t. I really want to dance or run and can’t… but that is just a negative way to looking at it. I can do so much more than I was able to before. I can swim, walk, walk for a long period of time, sit for longer than an hour, clean my house and do laundry, I can go on photoshoots and sleep I can sleep and move and not be in pain.  I still cant bend forward or sit indian style… My left leg and 3 toes are still REALLY numb… and I have a hard time lifting that leg to tie my shoe… I think that is the one thing that pisses me off the most. If I try to do it, it pulls on something weird and feels not okay.

That is my big goal.

Sounds silly to you but I really just want to be able to tie my shoe in no pain or tightness.. Or feel my leg that would be cool to.

It’s crazy to think I am ONLY 2 months post op, so when before I was like WHY CANT I FING DO THESE THINGS!!!!!!  Now, writing this I am kinda like oh, well it has only been two months.. and so I know with time this update will just get better and better.

If you have any questions feel free to contact me or you can search my blog “My back” to read this story from start to end.

Crys-

Pump That Ishhh up.

So I pretty much woke up like it was Christmas morning.

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Yup you think I am crazy and these are a list of 0 fucks given.

1….. zero fucks.

Last night I took ibuprofen before I went to bed and had my gym clothes and stuff all laid out.

I pretty much looked like this pulling up…

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Then this happened…

I mean…we haven’t worked out together in a REALLY long time.. and Amy is kinda my Swole Mate. She totally gets me.

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So it was necessary.

I stayed with more reps low weight. I did upper body mostly shoulders, bi’s and tri’s… I tried to throw in a few things that I thought may or may not hurt me and there were a few that I was like nahhh… don’t want to risk it.

Normally I would push the shit out of myself, but here is the deal. I dont want to re hurt myself. So I am staying on the straight and narrow.. which in fact left my arms shaking like a leaf when I was all done.

I totally started giggling when I saw it.

It’s so stupid how excited I was to be there even being so limited on everything.

My arms need some work, but I am all about a before picture.

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If you are just reading this for the first time I am 7 weeks post op of back surgery. Laminectomy discectomy of L4 and L5 on April 13th of this year. Had some minor setbacks such as an infection where my incision decided it wasn’t going to close up… and it still isn’t all the way closed up. So weird.. Numbness in my left leg and foot and well I can’t tie my left shoe.. So I am still a work in progress.

I started a walking group for June “The Walking Wenches” and today is our first meet up. Im excited about that to! I am just hoping that I don’t do to much today by going to the gym and then walking some miles with the girls.. I may have to take a relaxer tonight and ice the crap out of my ass cheek and back… I guess you never know what you can do until you try it though sooo we shall see!

I have a small obsession with bratwurst right now. Yes I know its sodium is through the roof but it’s a good source of protein and a good thing to mix in for me every now and then so I don’t want to ban the eating of chicken forever… and ever…

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Chocolate shakeology for breakfast with ice. Now that it is getting hot I am loving “eating” my smoothy…

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I am finally starting to feel like I am on my way back… slowly but I am just happy that I am finally moving in that direction.

10,000 steps at a time..

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