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Here she goes again

8 Hours in the car with 3 kids…

Each year we trade off on vacations.

Like one year we will do a small adult trip ( like Austin )  and a big kids trip ( Like Alabama ) so last year was the kids trip so this year it’s Mom & Dads big trip turn!

So this year we decided to tag team with a few friends and head on down to Port Aransas for a mini beach vacation Texas Style!

The drive down there seemed longer than driving to Alabama for some reason, I am pretty sure its because Texas is sooooooo big that you never get out of it when you are not trying to get out of it, if that makes sense… so there was no change in scenery… you knew you were still in Texas. The kids were not to bad the drive there or back, it’s crazy when they get older… no one shits their pants, has to pee to bad where they cant hold it, pukes or cries for no reason for an hour… Ahh how I do NOT miss the toddler days 🙂

The quaint house that we stayed in called the Church Street Cottage  was just perfect for everything we needed!

It was close enough to restaurants to walk, close enough to the beach to drive… I mean I guess you could have walked to the beach buttttt…. have we met?

I saw a bunch of people actually renting golf carts and driving pretty much the whole island with them.

We spent the majority of our five days doing pretty much nothing and loving it! We had two full beach days, one we had to cut short because of course…. Lillian got strep throat from church camp.. so that was fun. But Thankfully I have the best pediatrician in all the land Dr Dalton so he called in some antibiotics and so she was pretty much good the whole trip, all besides the one day she wasn’t.  The other beach day we stayed until everyone was fried… Luckily the babes are 1/2 Italian so fried is only for one day and then they turn that pretty golden brown… They always have contest but Sister ALWAYS wins…

Beach days are my favorite especially when my family is with me.

sand, ocean, country music, good ole’ captain & coke

Makes for a pretty amazing day.

Remember we are at a beach town and I hate sea food… so I was pretty full with cheese burgers and hush puppies… for five days. ( hahahaha) While Gaige and The Husband ate sea food pretty much three meals a day… and Gaige wanted to go by his favorite restaurant Castaways   to see if he could get an all you can eat fish and shrimp to go, I quickly told him he was crazy…

The husband took Gaige on his first charter fishing trip, and he LOVED it! He also  caught 4 trout and fed us the next night with what he caught!

4th of July was spent on the beach as well, then that night we went to Leah’s Step Dads dock and sat on a HUGE boat and watched a terrific fire works display! They had a HUGE spread of food as well as music.

It was perfect.

Oh and The husband in his Man Onsie…. got in the Port A newspaper… *cough* attention whore *cough* hahaha

We went to all of the shops, are proud parents of two hermit crabs… and took the obligatory picture inside the sharks mouth… I HAVE to find the old one of these three in the same spot for comparison…

To say we needed this is an understatement… I think the kids played their phones only at night, not because I told them they couldn’t but just because they didn’t want to… we played Uno.. the game that never ends…. and car games.. we re set as a family.

We re set as a husband and wife..

I am a firm believer in vacations, and not just because of vacations to get away but vacations to re set.. to remember whats important, to re set as a family… to get back to the root of things.. Its SO easy to get caught up in the hustle of being home.. My family is a bit closer every vacation we take.

I hope that as hey get older we find a spot that we go to each year as a whole to re set…

Husbands, wives, dogs and grandbabies…

Okay maybe I am getting ahead of myself, but… the thought of that makes my heart swell beyond measure..

You are enough.

Posted in Here she goes again
on May 25, 2017

Would rather listen than read? Now you can!

Now that is a bold statement.

I feel like this is one of those blogs that I start and write and write and then at the end I either

A) end up deleting it

or

B) have it saved to my drafts and never post it.

So I am catching myself ahead of time so maybe I will know my patterns and not do either A or B..

You are enough.

ugh.

This is something I struggle with personally and over the last few weeks have realized it always seems to come down to this…

I haven’t said anything because I don’t want to fail, but I have challenged myself to write 30 blogs in 30 days starting in June 1st and so I am carrying around a notebook in my purse and when things hit me I will write them down so I can have enough topics to write 30 blogs.. & them not be stupid.. but blogs with meaning and “meat”. When this statement came across my Instagram, it struck a cord with me… I then said these words to myself in my head for the first time in maybe…… ever??  Have you ever said that to yourself?

You are enough.

I sure in the hell haven’t… Never really knew it was an issue to be honest with you…

The more I read it the tighter my throat became.. I saved it as a screen shot and periodically throughout the day I kept coming back to read it again, why… why did this hit me like this? I kept repeating it in my head,  I was saying it but did I really believe it?

I don’t think so….

I don’t think I knew the impact it was having on me..

That is when it hit me, this was it…. this was my problem… not being enough, in MANY areas, but in more depth this has ALWAYS been my issue… and at 34 I had an “Ah ha” moment and it kinda sorta knocked the breath out of me….

You see this statement is why I have ached and worked so hard, so I mean its a good thing yes but when I am knocked down I think this is what I say to myself, you are NOT enough, try harder, do more… I mean this stems back to childhood… Fighting through my brothers addiction for attention… Maybe if I make good grades  my mom will notice me, maybe if I am a cheerleader my dad will be proud, maybe if I go to college my parents will be happy… Through my sisters addiction… Maybe if I am a good mom, my mom wont be so sad… maybe if I get married, my mom will be proud of me, maybe if I have a great job… Then there were men… that is when this really took hold…. & I never even had Daddy issues…. fighting for the attention to be noticed, to be loved…. to be enough. To be the prettiest girl they saw so they didn’t look else where, to be the best mom so they didn’t want to fuck up, to things making so much sense they didn’t question anything else… it was just enough….

You’re really fun, so funny, your eyes drawl me in, I love you…. I am in love with you….. you’re beautiful but it’s not enough.

*stab and twist*

I have always been fighting to be just that “enough”

I think that is why I love so hard, why I hold on to things soooo tight.. why I smother my best friends.. ( you know you like it haha) why I cuddle so close and hard at night, why I have anxiety, why I worry… why I worry that one day I will come home and my husband will say ” This isn’t enough anymore ”  When I wear a swimsuit or jeans and a tshirt wanting to be sexy, going to the gym but not looking like my mind says I should, it not being enough.

Always waiting for the ball to drop.

Its not healthy really…

Maybe its because of so many deaths I have had to overcome? Maybe the “loss” of friendships and relationships?

I have no clue… but it stops now.

Because guess what… I’m a great girl…. a good mom… a great friend… a good daughter and sister.

I am enough.

Some of these things I speak about you shouldn’t have to fight SOOOOO hard for and if you do fight, you shouldn’t be the only one fighting alone.

So, I am putting my sword up…

Making a list of things I want, and if I wasn’t already a capital letter I would have made it one and then bolded the shit out of the font…

I’m enough.

& in the moment that I become not enough, I will then choose to walk away.

Not easily, but no longer with my head down.

because guess what.. I may not be enough to you, but I am enough for me and well… that’s enough.

My demons can’t swim in Whiskey, but they love the taste and they love to try.

Want it? Come here let me lick you..

Posted in #losingthedirty30, 2017, Here she goes again
on February 5, 2017

Y’all…. I have totally forgotten what it was like to have a new born, and yet I do not have a new born I will say that having a kid with the flu is just as bad I think… My poor Briysen started getting sick on Sunday and it just took him by the hair and made him his B****.

There is not much worse than seeing your baby sick, I mean you want them to feel better and all you can do is all you can do. So about 6 days of sleeping on the couch waking up every 4 hours for Tylenol and a breathing treatment and then 2 hours later waking up for Motrin  this mama was pooped! Not to mention trying to get Briysen to eat was awful and he needs to eat anyways, he probably lost a good 5-8lbs…

Today is day 8 and he is FINALLY feeling better! he has a pretty nasty cough still but the fever and body aches are gone!

We may try to attempt school tomorrow but we shall see when he wakes up.. I am 80% sure that he will call me to go and get him, not because he is still sick but because he has 0 energy.

Luckily I have managed to keep him in his room so, so far so good on no one else getting it *fingers crossed*

On the flip side of things I had the honor of taking Gaige to his first Mavs game!

We both had a blast and the Mavs kicked major ass!

Such a great game!! The Teen & I had a blast at the Mavs game ❤️ It was a PERFECT game for his first Mavs Game!!! Mavs win 104 to 97!!!

Speaking of ass… never noticed how HUGE Lebron James is…. Like almost not fair to play. He just walks up to the hoop and its like nothin’….. dunk.

So much fun….

As far as my eating and working out this week… yep they have been non exsistant and I can totally feel the difference. I am swollen from not drinking water and I am super sleepy from not eating right, eating like shit or eating just not like I should… Super bummed but no bigs.. I am back on track as of tomorrow morning.

I did step on the scale and I am still the same so that’s a plus..

My heart has been achy lately… its super gay when it does this..

I hate it….

Buut I am going to see 50 Shades Darker on Thursday <3 I just finished the book ( for the 2nd time) on Friday …… Gotta love when he tells her to take off her panties at the restaurant <3 Hey he holds her door open when she gets in the car.. 🙂 He’s a gentleman <3

 

Texifornication

Posted in Here she goes again
on November 29, 2016

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I think we all have that one place you go.

To run away.

Or to just get away and take a deep breath even if there isn’t anything to run away from.

You know a long time ago I used to think it was a sign of “weakness” to need some time. Some people are wired differently and can go out and get their air but you see I worry about worrying… I am worried about you, them, how you are going to get home, are your feelings hurt? Do I look fat…… Are the kids okay, is the sitter tired? Does the sitter think I am a bad mom because its 1 am and I am still not at home? Not to mention one of us needing to stay sober enough to get home..

Seriously this is my brain on a “night out”

This is why every few years I “runaway” to take a deep breath and get “me” back..

I have also found that there is not a damn thing wrong with that and finally have let go of any and every ounce of guilt I ever carried for wanting this me time, it’s my sanity.

To be in a place you can breathe, a place strangely you feel like a part of you belongs to.. Its like walking in to home and the mountains and air wrapping their arms around me and finally I can let out a breath and let any and everything else just go…

It’s my place.

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And thankfully I have her to share it with.

In a world that is so busy, she reminds me of who I am and why I love me.. Not the mom me, but the crazy me.. the girl who smiles with her eyes nearly shut, who loves sappy ass music that makes Spotify send me a suggested playlist of Life Sucks bahahaha!! Whoa Spotify slow your roll… She loves every ugly ounce of me and finds the beauty somehow in all of the mess I call myself.

The bay with my bae

The bay with my bae

She’s kinda a big deal, I just hope she knows how strong she is.

The trip was perfect & every now and again I think of something randomly and giggle… And can I also mention I dont think we got dressed once? And I had a lot of cute clothes to wear… but we stayed in leggings-t-shirt & a 7th grade basketball uniform…. It was FREEZING and well we all know how happy the cold makes my little Heated Texas Heart..

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Oh and also, I am pretty sure I have determined I could live off of coffee, garlic fries & vodka if worse came to worse.. Which is a great life tip right?? I mean I now know don’t panic, you have garlic fries and Vodka your going to be just fine….

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So cheers to sappy love songs, basketball uniforms, golden sunsets, long walks, cute sweatshirts, random cats, South Dakota, sisterwives, hotel breakfast that was a million dollars, taking my glasses off for the pointless reason of “not seeing my eyes anyways”, bruised skin but a full heart, that was totally only 5 minutes, old hippy taking 100 pictures of our asses before he ever got one right, our lake, your dad telling me “he could just talk to me alllll night long”,  how many of the same cars can one town have, Rotel Texas Style, the ocean the view and being with my best friend for 4 days.

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Until Next Time My California Soul Sister <3

Love.

Wendy.

You’re 30 and you live with your mom….

Posted in Here she goes again, Uncategorized
on August 12, 2016

Missing my coffee buddy this morning

So I think this will be the last blog I write before I am finally all caught up with blogging and can bring this up to current time and tell you all how in LOVE I am with my new house… my new home.

So when we decided to sell our house I have to tell you it was a cluster fuck at its finest. I had NO idea that there was so much that goes in to buying and selling a home and much less how you have to basically do all the repairs to your house that you put off for the last 10 years not to mention keep it clean… and I think that is the worst part!

So we sold our home.

Twice actually.

Thank the lawd my mom was the listing agent because I know if I had anyone else they would have fired me…  I may or may not ask a whole bunch of questions & my mom was super understanding of explaining the process to us both.

You can finc her Real Estate Page HERE

Then we were in this in between… the people we were buying our new house from were kinda assholes, and the lady also just gave birth like 5 minutes ago and had a newborn at home so she wanted or needed some time…I get it I have babies… but 3 weeks extra? Um no…. that on top of us basically having to gut all the flooring and re painting EVERYTHING before we moved in.

So we needed time.

Lets take it way on back.

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I moved out of my moms house super young… my sister divorced her husband and I stayed with her for a while until I got super awesome and thought that I needed my own place with a boy…. ( what an idiot I was)

So when I say moving in with my mom was a huge deal, it was a HUGE deal.. not to mention my mom and I have a lot of the same strong personality traits so, when we dont like eachother we are both assholes about it. So… I was a tad worried about it…

Not to mention I have 3 kids, 2 dogs, 2 cats and a husband….

God is crazy awesome, let me just tell you.

Living with my mom was pretty insane.

You see, I think we were both at really weird times in our lives when I moved out.. She had just gotten divorced from my dad, and they were married like 18 years, she was trying to figure out her stuff.. I was a teenager who was in love with a boy who needed much more love than I could have given him and it was just strange.

It has always been a strange relationship between her and I if I am being 100%honest.

She needs to nurture and I need to be tough enough not to need to be nurtured.

Living with my mom again healed a lot of open wounds…

This is getting deep huh.

Maybe wounds she didnt even know were there?? Maybe I didn’t either.

Either way it was a breath of fresh air to the point of when I knew my house was almost ready to move in to I felt like I was leaving my moms house for the first time.. I cried in my car for a week.. thinking of having to “leave home”

So weird.

Each morning we woke up and who ever woke up first made coffee… she took 2 splendas and black where I take my cream with a little coffee. Our mugs were always beside eachothers and I always had the glass with the chip on the top of it. We watched the news and spoke about what we were going to do that day before PawPaw got up and the kids were still sleeping, until one of them with sleepy filled eyes come to cuddle me on the couch. What she didnt know though is how I memorized her face… her hands and how I remembered everything so clearly to how she likes her coffee or how her pajamas always match and she never gets out of bed with out flip flops on…

Working next to her in the office, her with Real Estate and me with Medical Mumbo Jumbo. I am flipping papers and singing each song I can and her talking to herself as she writes and her for a brief second stopping to remind me that I shouldnt have been a nurse I should have been a singer.  ( gotta love a mothers love.. because I sounds like a cross between Fergie and Jesus… Mmmkay) But we were there and together..

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I made dinner each night and I have to tell you my step-dad Mike is pretty awesome.. Not that I forgot that but I can say that I feel like we disconnected some where some how, and we got that back… Him with his V8 juice and me making him his plate every night at dinner and me pretending that I cared about the Rangers on TV or his old western movies… And our late night talks about nothing.

Something so simple but I loved it.

One day my mom asked me to do her makeup…. why did this make me so happy I could have cried.. My mom is so beautiful yall… Rubbing foundation on her face or the eyes shadow brush across her eyes, I just cant explain it enough to you but my heart felt all the feels while I did it.

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I felt in the time living with my mom I got some adolescence back in some sort of strange way. I got my mom.. I got to be home, it felt like home even. My babies got to see mamaw and pawpaw and get tickled each night before bed, we prayed over dinners together and tried to figure out how to space out showers throughout the day so everyone got hot water…

Sounds hectic huh.

Crazy part is that it wasnt at all..

I figured by the end of it they would be ready for us to leave and I have now been gone a week and each day I get a text from one or both of them saying they miss us.

I am thankful for that month.

I am thankful for the craziness.

I am thankful for my family.

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So, thank you Mom & Mike, thank you for opening up your home to a full family. Thank you for sharing your home and hearts with us.. we all enjoyed it and I say that truly not like “hey thankkkssss k byeeee” it was a blessing in disguise.

We love you.

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