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Crystal Michelle

My two cents while freezing my lack there of balls off

Would rather listen? Welp now you can!

So last month after I was sure/un-sure if I hurt myself I decided that I wanted to try something new and exciting.

I had heard of Kristi ( a girl I know whom rocks my socks off) go to a Cryo-Therapy place for her foot issues. I always see her check in and wanted to try it but then again why would I? I mean I was feeling great!

*eye roll* 

So after my injury, the first thing that came to mind was why not give it a go?

So I posted on Facebook and got a few referrals on where to go or how it was, can I just tell you how bad I hate Facebook for gossip and conversation but how much I appreciate it when you need a referral or think your going to lose your eye ball due to your new kitten scratching your cornea?

true story…. I have bad JuJu right now I guess…*shrugs*

Thank God she’s cute…. Meet Callie the Calico

A.D.D back on track.

So I decided that I was going to go to The Cry Spa Fort Worth and give it a try..

Listen ya’ll I am a chicken shit… Like I dont like to try any new medications, I dont like to try anything that is going to make me feel weird, not in control or whatever.. My anxiety goes from 0 to 100 in a matter of seconds and I feel like I am dying…. true story

So when I went in to this spa, the ladies there made me feel so welcome and totally comfortable. I asked 101 questions and they were very calm with me and explained each thing I asked as well as how I would feel inside the chamber and what to look for..  You see I am the girl who would rather know EVERYTHING and be prepared for it all to happen than not know and it just happen and me think its weird..

So they take your blood pressure before you go back and then you get naked.. Ow Ow <3 You then place the socks that they provide for you on, a robe and then they hand you gloves..

So when you get in the room you take the robe off and get in the chamber.

Its literally like a stand up tanning bed with your head out of the top of it.. So its not scary at all…

You are in there a total of 3 minutes.

Not going to lie, I stepped out the first time after 2 minutes and 32 seconds.. I started freaking myself out because you start going numb and get all tingly, like your legs become heavy and they opened it up I stepped out and then stepped right back in to finish the 3 minutes.

You are cold…. but not like a Texas cold.. Its like a cold cold, which doesn’t make any more sense than what I said before does it.. hahahaha… I haven’t ever been cold like that before.. But it wasn’t an un bearable cold just like a its cold someone turn the fan off cold..

Anyways, after I got out I got dressed and didn’t feel much different.. I am not sure what I thought was suppose to happen in 3 minutes ( I mean I am pretty sure I got pregnant once in 3 minutes ) To Far?  I just laughed out loud I was kidding…. hahahahaha totally kidding. Anyways but I did expect to like sparkle in the sun or something…

But I didnt.

Welp, let me just tell you child…. I have NEVER and I mean NEVER, well maybe when I was 15 and or before I had kids.. slept so good in my entire life… ever… I woke up the next day a new woman.. I wasn’t stiff, I slept like a million bucks when I was waking up three and four times a night, and my limp from pain was very minimal! I also had more energy, normally I get tired mid day and for that whole week and the week after I didn’t “need” a nap or an extra coffee.

I went back that day and bought a 7 day pass and went all 7 days!

I highly recommend it and think it would be perfect for people with insomnia, MS, fibromialga or any arthritis or injury..

I will totally do it again and will consider getting a membership!

I will have to find one closer to home.. and it is pretty $$$ to “have” to do.. I would have to swap something out with it.. like no nails or pedis or something but it is pretty worth it!

If you haven’t tried it and have considered it I say go for it!

Let me know if you want me to go with you and I’ll hold your hand!

The tattoo guy finished my design…

With so much going on right now I have to wait to get it, I am thinking after our July 4th trip..

Its perfect. my water. my heart. music. and the coordinates

Have you ever watched this video…. Artist Marina Abramovic was doing a live art performance that consisted of spending one minute of silence with a complete stranger. Many people showed up, but her response to one person in particular gave me the goosebumps, and you’ll soon see why. She hasn’t seen him in 30 years… They left eachother with one last embrace at the great wall of China.

Talk about goosebumps

 

Dear 15 Year Old Me…

Posted in 30ish Blogs 30ish Days
on June 16, 2017


 

Would rather listen than read? Welp now you can!

Dear Crystal,

Hey girl! I am almost positive you are reading this in a hurry hanging on every word I am writing and then you will read it 50 more times just to make sure you didn’t miss a thing. You still do that 15 years later, it’s something you will always do. Makes me giggle a bit.. So your dad just got you a new to you camero huh… Your mom is pissed… You are not speed racer, and I get it your boyfriend has the same car but red… please slow down and know that you’re not impressing anyone with your lack there of fast driving. Just turn up your mix tape and enjoy this car while going the speed limit. And stop doing donuts in the Birdville Stadium parking lot before games, your cheer coach already thinks you’re a fuck up… don’t fuel that fire okay?

Something is going to happen to cheerleading, its going to break you’re heart and you are going to feel like you are not okay, but guess what… you are totally okay.. So just do what they say and move on, you will be fine.. Your heart will be broken but your heart will be  fine and Mrs.B will always be a the reason in your head and heart and you will always be bitter about it… even 15 years later.

Ugh, there is so much I want to tell you but so much I want you to learn on your own. One thing I want you to know is that you sure do have a beautiful life.. it will have many up’s and plenty of downs but girl you are one of the strongest people I have ever met…ever. I know you are in such a hurry to grow up right now, pretty sure you have kitchen stuff in lay-a-way at KMart and you pay on it religiously and are so excited about your new apartment with the boy you love. Would it hurt you to just stay at your moms for a little while longer? Maybe finish school first? I know I know you’re not going to listen to what I say, and in all honesty you shouldn’t… You are going to have a lot of fun in that apartment, you’ll learn how to make spaghetti, hamburger helper and even get your fits tattoo… You can thank Nikki Bishop for that one..

Make time for your family more if you can…

Make Les go to dinner with you or make him come to moms and tell her to cook so yall can all have dinner together.. Take more pictures of yall to.. I know you always have your dollar store cameras in your hand so point them in his direction if you can, Lord knows he will eat that up and it will make you laugh forever I promise. Oh and when you see Les at Josh and Jasons with Allen you should tell Allen Mayes that one day you are going to grow up and he should prepare himself for it..  Tell your mom that the Don guy she is dating is a creep, don’t stop telling her this… like tell her over and over again if you can.. Maybe she will listen to you. I know you feel this way about him and let me just tell you, you’re not wrong… you’re feeling is absolutely right! Also, why are you not close with Shannon? Maybe try to build that relationship a bit more, I know she is your sister but I want you to repeat that last sentence.. she is your sister… make the time and make her make the time.. I get it she is weird, playing house with Teddy of all people? But don’t be an asshole.. go over there and just play house with her, oh and when she talks about Josh tell her how stupid he is.. and how great of a man Teddy is..

So about this boy, Sigh…. Just know it will all be worth it, one way or another, no matter what happens in the end its all worth it… I know some people think you are crazy saying you love someone at 15 but you totally do, and he loves you to. You two will literally grow up together. You will shed a BUNCH of tears, and at one point think that it is the end of the world, but guess what its not.. and you will be fine. Stay in an apartment, yes Crystal a house sounds more grownup but your apartment is just fine… no need to move 100 times.  OH and guess what.. y’all are going to have babies.. Seriously…. you think you are in love now… just wait! Don’t worry you’re one hell of a mom.. and you will not have to go through pregnancy alone… You should ready that last part to Stef 🙂

Gosh I am so proud of you..

I want to say that again, I know you don’t hear that often, or ever.. I am so proud of you… so proud of you…

You’re doing great.

So, one thing I do want to tell you… when you turn 18 or so maybe you should call up Heather and see if you can go to Denton for a weekend…to hang out with her. Maybe you guys can go to Hooters for some wings and even go get your oil changed at one of the local shops… Lord knows you’ve never changed your oil.. ever. It’s a college town, you’ll have fun live a little! There is a whole Fate thing I would like to see if exists… I cant say anymore, not sure I would even have to. I’m curious to see how that plays out.

Things in your life will come and go and guess what thats okay, they will bend you but youre way to strong to break. Take them in, let them be and then let them go.. And for petes sake act 15!!! I know you feel like you have to adult right now but you dont, stop letting anyone make you feel like you do… you dont… you can be a kid as long as you want. Cruise Rufe Snow with your friends, Go to sleep overs and parties… if the boy tells you not to tell him to fuck off… because he is probably there anyways. Kiss some more boys, actually kiss a lot more boys.. Oh and you know that one boy, you should fly to Colorado for his graduation, no one showed up… That actually may have changed everything because 15 years later you find out he was just as scared as you were…  That secret journal you keep, at some point in the next few years youre going to want to burn it, dont… save it! There is some good stuff in there, even if it is a bit emo.. youre still kinda emo so it’s fine.. Dont pose naked for a photographer no matter how nice he asks you to, even if you get the negatives still dont do it, Your sister will tell you a secret in a few years and ask you not to tell anyone… tell someone…… just trust me, tell someone. Your dad…. he is going to get re married soon, don’t go in there crying, it’s rude and you will be embarrassed of the pictures for the rest of your life.. give her a chance… I get it shes as old as Les but give her a chance, she may be crazy now but you will actually hold more respect for her than most people in your life down the road.. she has the best heart ever, please try and not be a brat and look past the bullshit.. its beautiful there. Also, tell your dad you love him a lot, kiss him more, hug his neck a little tighter.. I know you already do and stop worrying things will be fine, I just want you to pay closer attention to stuff is all.

A few last things I want you to know and think about.. and listen to me because in fact I do know best… because I am you..

 Stop trying to please everyone… trying to be everything to all the peoples in all the land, you are enough! Stop worrying so much you will get gray soon enough and it needs no help from you trust me….At this point, you’ve got all the tools it takes to trust your instincts, and your instincts are good ones.

Whats with all the dieting? You have your whole life for that and um.. a size six isn’t fat… so knock it off idiot.

And lastly, you will always love, love…. I know that you think you are a sap right now, guess what you totally are… and that is part of you that makes you, you… embrace that shit! Use it… start a blog, a book, a column something.. The best parts of the way your heart loves and how it hears words and hears music you get from your dad.. I mean dont start going to poetry meetings and wearing all black, but just know that this part of you is one of my favorite parts so embrace it.

I wish I could re live it all with you over again…

Its that beautiful.

So be ready <3

Love,

The Grayer Version of You.

I mean if you don’t have to do it twice did you really even try the first time?

Would you rather listen? Now you can!

Well lets cut to the chase…

I fucked up.

I need surgery again.

So to read the back story of my back story you can go to my You Tube channel HERE

So a month ago I did a yoga class and the next day I couldn’t sit down, couldn’t lay down… and could barley move.

I KNEW i hurt myself… I knew it… My husband trying to be positive just talked me in to it being inflamed and okay, basically talked me off the ledge.

But deep down in my lack there of core I knew I messed it up.

Doing Yoga… not a roller coaster, or boat ride… or skiing in Colorado, didn’t slip… didn’t fall… not a high dive,  but yoga.

Fucking Yoga.

I tried everything you name it… foam rollers, anti inflammatory’s, cryo therapy, stretching, walking, resting, hot packs, cold packs…

I think I have re written this last part 4 times and then even tried to just record my raw feelings then I realized it was 16 minutes long and I said fuck a lot so here I am back to writing..

So last week I went in to the back doc and when I went in I had pretty much talked myself in to it just being inflammation… I just need steroids and some relaxers.. I have tramadol no big deal just something to calm my nerves down.. that’s all. Welp, Dr Henry just looked at me like um your the doctor or am I? So he did a few touch test, knocked my knee to check my reflexes and sent me for an Xray in office .. which looked great my spine is 100% stable….and in his words “just to be sure..” he said that we would need an MRI with and without contrast.

Just to be sure, cool I can swing that.

Going in for my MRI I am pretty sure I prayed the whole way there and then changing in to my scrubs I started to get choked up… I looked in the mirror in the dressing room and there I was.. The same strong girl who was here just two short years ago. Back in this small room, with the same x large scrubs and the same combination lock. Some how in that moment I knew what the outcome would be.. Ive hurt for to long.

In the MRI machine I laid there still and let the tears stream down my cheeks..

and I prayed.

Envision the place I went to was great to me, and gave me a DVD to take to the doctor.. one thing about being in the medical field is…. you can read those.

When I got home the first image I pulled up there it was..

Today was my appointment with Dr Henry, as he pulled up the images I was very strong in what I knew and what I saw but again I am not a doctor so I knew what he would say but I had a small glimmer of hope that it wasnt what I thought, or maybe it wasnt that bad..

You have re-herniated in a big way… you need surgery.

I lost it… I just started crying, I told him I knew and that I was over that hump in my life that I was on the other side… and Ive done this before and I just… I just…

So… he gave me options.

1 Epidural injections… pain meds & relaxers aka a band-aid until its necessary

2. Surgery next week

3 If the disc slips all the way out you have emergency surgery that day….

I told him thank you and that I needed time to process.

I then asked him can I lose more weight, can I work out, can I go to PT, can I get injections… can I fix this?

He said “Crystal you can lose weight but your not obese, that isnt going to help here… its like you have a rock in your shoe, you can change your laces even change your socks… but until you take your shoe off and take the rock out your foot is still going to hurt and bruise and maybe even bleed because you are walking on a rock…”

I asked about a fusion, he said it was overkill because my disc are healthy.. he thinks one more lamenectomy should fix me… and if not then there is a fusion involved.

I dont want surgery. I have cried so much today that I dont think I have any tears left to cry.

So I have decided against surgery for now… for now.

Maybe that is the wrong decision *shrugs* maybe I will regret that…. I dont know right now. This decision does come with risks.. He gave me things to watch out for like change in bladder control or frequency, also foot pain or loss of strength in my right foot… gone on for to long these things you cant get back.

Which is scary as fuck.

He said its a 95% chance not if I need surgery but when I will need surgery and I understand. Right now my pain is manageable,  when I sleep its a level 8 out of 10 but during the day I am okay-ish. We have summer plans with the kids, and a vacation with the husband and I… and its summer, I cant do that to my kids… I mean I am down for 4-8 weeks and then questionable after that. They deserve a good summer not a summer where mom is laid up on the couch cant move and is walking with a walker and picking shit up with a super grabber. So if or when I will get surgery….. if my body can withstand the herniation and not make it worse I am shooting for September….

Until then I watch what I eat, I keep my body as strong as I can, I walk  and I stay drugged at night hahaha

just being honest.

Through struggle comes strength.

and repeat.

Image from before I ever had surgery ( the one with the circle) and the one from today…. same level, same bullshit.

So guess who missed 5 days…

Posted in 30ish Blogs 30ish Days
on June 9, 2017

Would you rather listen? now you can!

That would be me…

I have excuses though.

Remember my last blog about never drinking again? Well that night I landed myself in the emergency room. Turns out my 2 ibuprofen in the morning and three at night every day for 3 weeks is frowned upon, then once you throw two days of drinking in with it you land in the hospital with a stomach ulcer.

So that has been super fun…

Sunday I knew I was hungover, but I had never had my stomach burn like it was… like I felt like I had an iv of fireball going straight to my gut…

So I took myself in and pretty much they told me your SOL ( in Texas that is shit out of luck ) and you will have to eat a bland diet and drink Mallox like its going out of style and of yeah no more NSAID’s…

I tried to make a joke when I was there by saying ” At least it wasn’t Vicodin” butttt the doctor didn’t think I was funny at all..

With the pain I have been having in my back its the ONLY think that takes the pain away..

But that’s no more.. .got it.

Vicodin it is!

Hahaha only kidding only kidding.

We will touch on the back bullshit after I see the doctor again on Tuesday.. I had an appointment & x-ray & then an MRI to catch you up to speed.

Fun.

Fun..

Annoying.

So last weekend was SOOOOO fun, not ulcer fun but close..

Friday night we met Amy & her family from out of town out at The White Elephant, crazy I am from Fort Worth and have never been to this place.. Its like a dive that isn’t a dive at all but not crowded with a live band annnnddd there are hats dedicated to people “retired hats” on the ceilings and all over the walls. Super cool! Amy’s dad has a hat on the wall! So I kinda feel special knowing someones hat there!

This past weekend was full of music, which I LOVE more than anything!

This band was an old man 70’s style rock band that was pretty good! The guy on the guitar played Stevie Ray Von to a T and that my friends is hard for me to say about many people… He played a solo and dedicated it to his daughter and she came out ( late 20’s ) and danced on the dance floor while he WAALLEEEDDDD on the guitar. Loved it…  got pretty emotional, went up to her and told her how much she should appreciate that.. pretty sure she thought I was crazy.

The next night we went out for The Husbands 41st birthday party.

We went to eat and had a blast ( this is when I started feeling sick) but I drank through it thinking it was a hangover.

So smart. I know….

Another night of bands.

The first band was The Rare Birds from Austin, Texas.

Y’all… they totally rocked out. The bass player was like a young Prince.. and then I found out from the drummer that he could play any and every instrument. Which is a freaking awesome talent to have.  Its just the way they played.. it’s like it was music and not just bullshit, if that makes any sense.

I got a shirt, an ass chewing but a shirt 🙂

Then I saw a guy from school Tony and he was in the next band!

You can see his Facebook HERE

He was telling me he jams full time and that is freaking amazing!

I love to hear about people doing what they love to do and getting to do it everyday as a “job”

Random I think I want to open a breakfast place..

Hahaha add that to “crystal needs to calm down ” list..

But we had a blast with all of our friends.

Then carried over the fun for some awful waffle at 3am

The ulcer is suppose to heal in 3-8 weeks so…. see you then?

F. me.

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