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Crystal Michelle

When life hits you in the vagina….

Posted in Here she goes again
on October 5, 2017

I wish I could just throw up here. But… truth be told I cant some stuff is not mine to tell.

This has always been my get out, my way of explaining things I cant verbally say and here I sit for the ehhh about 12th time writing a blog and wondering will I delete this one to? I swear the last three months have done everything but made me skinny. I think I have slid right into a mild form of depression and I guess I thought my sanity was somewhere between a bean burrito and just not eating. I cant even write right now with so much going on in my house.. so lets take a pause.

Well it was a month when I wrote the above.. I actually talked to a guy friend of mine today about some issues that he was having and how I try and cope with the curve balls that life throws directly at my vagina.. I told him I used to blog, but I was to scared to let my hands do the explaining because at that moment I didnt know what they would have to say. Maybe I was scared to? Scared of what they would have to say *shrugs* I’m not really quite sure.  All I know is this is like going home drunk and your dad or mom being awake and you having to make eye contact with them. Its ether going to go really good and them tell you to go to bed or its going to go really bad and you are going to be grouned for the rest of your life.

I almost said Fucking to one of the kids tonight, after I almost let it slip I walked in to my room and just started bawling my eyes out.

That’s how over the top my life is right now.

That’s not me, that’s not the mom I am, that’s not the person I am..

I think I am always wanting to do the right thing, whats right is what I ask my self on a constant.  Not what do I want to do or what should I do but what is the RIGHT decision to make. Man, the right decision sometimes gives you way more than you thought you were willing to bite off and then you are basically stuck chewing that for ehhh… maybe the next five years or so? Knowing that you make the right decision is important but lets just learn from me and say before you jump on whats right maybe you should also think about the long run before you do so.

Today is a hard day, and I say that openly.

Today is a hard day.

But guess what, courage does not always roar sometimes its the quiet voice at the end of the day that says we will try again tomorrow.


The art of le’ blog

Posted in Uncategorized
on July 19, 2017

One of my 1st pictures on this blog. Briysen & The girl who tanned Sharing old pics on this blog..

 I for real think I have had a blog since I was pregnant with Gaige. At one time it was called something else then after attending a conference on the “rules of blogging” I then and there decided I have never been much of a “rule follower” especially when it comes to my heart and brain that I would just toss it up to be about everything and call it Crystal Michelle’s Mess.

About twice a month I will get an email from someone who reads the blog or has come across it and asks me how I got started, how I stay afloat and do I make money from the blog, so I thought I would give you a few tid bits on my in’s and outs of blogging.

I need it ALLLLLL & Topic

So you will find some really impressive blogs out there.. Listen Linda, all you really need at this point is a web domain and an idea.. I mean why do you want a blog anyway? This is the biggest question of them all… Are you in to fitness and have a ton of weight to lose? Are you a  breastfeeding mom? Have a shopping problem, and love fashion? Travel a lot ? Or… Like me, you just have entirely to much to say and spent a majority of your day behind a desk or talking to small ears that you cant say Fuck in front of and feel comfortable..

See I really just come here to cuss…

But really this is going to be how you get your audience, if you even want one.. some people just need a place to “be” and others blog to create something bigger.

I have to be honest.. that has been a struggle that I have faced more than once… Should I turn mine into a fitness blog? Then I tried to for a split second and started getting hate mail of why I dont write anymore. Plus, lets be honest, I am not that “fit” anyways I have always been “fitish” with a side of fries… To where I have kinda sorta come to terms with this just being my place. I will prob never have a large audience and thats okay! Plus I have seen what internet trolls do to people and um no thanks.

I wouldn’t spend to much time or money in to making it something you don’t even know that you like… or don’t like for that matter! GO to a free site like like blogger and get you a small free blog and see if it tickles your fancy! IF it does and you start to really enjoy it then you can always move on to bigger and better things.. It can be expensive if you think you have to have it all right now.

Being under a microscope 

This can be good and bad.

Good you have people that read your shit now.

Bad you have people that read your shit now.

The art of blogging is sometimes to be brutally honest, no one wants to read blogs with no meat… kinda like this one, hahaha anyone who hasn’t wanted to start a blog isn’t reading anymore..

Putting your life out there is scary sometimes especially when you feel pulled to write about it. Normally those are the times you are vulnerable and think I cant be the only one who goes through this… It takes ONE right share for shit to go viral on the internet now. Then boom you have people reading from 60 weeks back and now you have something shared that gets CPS called on you because you write about hitting your kid in the head with a door on accident and she had to get stitches…. Or it goes the other way and you end up on Ellen… then there is that… I guess.  I have seen people get divorced because of shit they shared on their blogs and friendships breakup.

I know you are giggling but its seriously part of your life you are offering.

You have to be ready for that, your spouse has to be ready for that or you have to have an agreement of what you will and wont share.

Making Money

I really haven’t dove in to this much.. I mean I have gotten free stuff to try here and there but I haven’t ever written a sponsored post and have turned down quite a few.. BUT that isn’t for everyone! If something came across that I would, then I would…. but I am not going to drink fit tea and tell you its how I lost weight because they pay me 100 bucks…. Not how I work, but you can and some do! Most of the time when people make money from blogs it’s because they sell something or have such a large following  that they have sponsored post.


I mean I like money, someone pass the hair gummy people my name.

The few rules I do-ish follow…

Post in the mornings EARLY or at night at 8/9ish… that is when people wake up or are relaxing for the day

Pictures. add them.

Make a I am going to post a blog days… ( I totally suck lama balls at this)

Get a hash tag

Post your blogs on your social media sites… ( this is when you start having diarrhea because people you know will read your shit.. and judge you….)

My Advice.

I love my blog….

It’s not huge, ( thats what she said) but its mine.

I wish some days I didn’t have people I know read it so I could say when and what I wanted to but that is something that I will get over eventually and just say it and not care.. If you feel passionate to write do it, what EVER you feel passionate about I say do it. Start small, figure out what you want your blog to be called and just start writing..

8 Hours in the car with 3 kids…

Each year we trade off on vacations.

Like one year we will do a small adult trip ( like Austin )  and a big kids trip ( Like Alabama ) so last year was the kids trip so this year it’s Mom & Dads big trip turn!

So this year we decided to tag team with a few friends and head on down to Port Aransas for a mini beach vacation Texas Style!

The drive down there seemed longer than driving to Alabama for some reason, I am pretty sure its because Texas is sooooooo big that you never get out of it when you are not trying to get out of it, if that makes sense… so there was no change in scenery… you knew you were still in Texas. The kids were not to bad the drive there or back, it’s crazy when they get older… no one shits their pants, has to pee to bad where they cant hold it, pukes or cries for no reason for an hour… Ahh how I do NOT miss the toddler days 🙂

The quaint house that we stayed in called the Church Street Cottage  was just perfect for everything we needed!

It was close enough to restaurants to walk, close enough to the beach to drive… I mean I guess you could have walked to the beach buttttt…. have we met?

I saw a bunch of people actually renting golf carts and driving pretty much the whole island with them.

We spent the majority of our five days doing pretty much nothing and loving it! We had two full beach days, one we had to cut short because of course…. Lillian got strep throat from church camp.. so that was fun. But Thankfully I have the best pediatrician in all the land Dr Dalton so he called in some antibiotics and so she was pretty much good the whole trip, all besides the one day she wasn’t.  The other beach day we stayed until everyone was fried… Luckily the babes are 1/2 Italian so fried is only for one day and then they turn that pretty golden brown… They always have contest but Sister ALWAYS wins…

Beach days are my favorite especially when my family is with me.

sand, ocean, country music, good ole’ captain & coke

Makes for a pretty amazing day.

Remember we are at a beach town and I hate sea food… so I was pretty full with cheese burgers and hush puppies… for five days. ( hahahaha) While Gaige and The Husband ate sea food pretty much three meals a day… and Gaige wanted to go by his favorite restaurant Castaways   to see if he could get an all you can eat fish and shrimp to go, I quickly told him he was crazy…

The husband took Gaige on his first charter fishing trip, and he LOVED it! He also  caught 4 trout and fed us the next night with what he caught!

4th of July was spent on the beach as well, then that night we went to Leah’s Step Dads dock and sat on a HUGE boat and watched a terrific fire works display! They had a HUGE spread of food as well as music.

It was perfect.

Oh and The husband in his Man Onsie…. got in the Port A newspaper… *cough* attention whore *cough* hahaha

We went to all of the shops, are proud parents of two hermit crabs… and took the obligatory picture inside the sharks mouth… I HAVE to find the old one of these three in the same spot for comparison…

To say we needed this is an understatement… I think the kids played their phones only at night, not because I told them they couldn’t but just because they didn’t want to… we played Uno.. the game that never ends…. and car games.. we re set as a family.

We re set as a husband and wife..

I am a firm believer in vacations, and not just because of vacations to get away but vacations to re set.. to remember whats important, to re set as a family… to get back to the root of things.. Its SO easy to get caught up in the hustle of being home.. My family is a bit closer every vacation we take.

I hope that as hey get older we find a spot that we go to each year as a whole to re set…

Husbands, wives, dogs and grandbabies…

Okay maybe I am getting ahead of myself, but… the thought of that makes my heart swell beyond measure..

My two cents while freezing my lack there of balls off

Would rather listen? Welp now you can!

So last month after I was sure/un-sure if I hurt myself I decided that I wanted to try something new and exciting.

I had heard of Kristi ( a girl I know whom rocks my socks off) go to a Cryo-Therapy place for her foot issues. I always see her check in and wanted to try it but then again why would I? I mean I was feeling great!

*eye roll* 

So after my injury, the first thing that came to mind was why not give it a go?

So I posted on Facebook and got a few referrals on where to go or how it was, can I just tell you how bad I hate Facebook for gossip and conversation but how much I appreciate it when you need a referral or think your going to lose your eye ball due to your new kitten scratching your cornea?

true story…. I have bad JuJu right now I guess…*shrugs*

Thank God she’s cute…. Meet Callie the Calico

A.D.D back on track.

So I decided that I was going to go to The Cry Spa Fort Worth and give it a try..

Listen ya’ll I am a chicken shit… Like I dont like to try any new medications, I dont like to try anything that is going to make me feel weird, not in control or whatever.. My anxiety goes from 0 to 100 in a matter of seconds and I feel like I am dying…. true story

So when I went in to this spa, the ladies there made me feel so welcome and totally comfortable. I asked 101 questions and they were very calm with me and explained each thing I asked as well as how I would feel inside the chamber and what to look for..  You see I am the girl who would rather know EVERYTHING and be prepared for it all to happen than not know and it just happen and me think its weird..

So they take your blood pressure before you go back and then you get naked.. Ow Ow <3 You then place the socks that they provide for you on, a robe and then they hand you gloves..

So when you get in the room you take the robe off and get in the chamber.

Its literally like a stand up tanning bed with your head out of the top of it.. So its not scary at all…

You are in there a total of 3 minutes.

Not going to lie, I stepped out the first time after 2 minutes and 32 seconds.. I started freaking myself out because you start going numb and get all tingly, like your legs become heavy and they opened it up I stepped out and then stepped right back in to finish the 3 minutes.

You are cold…. but not like a Texas cold.. Its like a cold cold, which doesn’t make any more sense than what I said before does it.. hahahaha… I haven’t ever been cold like that before.. But it wasn’t an un bearable cold just like a its cold someone turn the fan off cold..

Anyways, after I got out I got dressed and didn’t feel much different.. I am not sure what I thought was suppose to happen in 3 minutes ( I mean I am pretty sure I got pregnant once in 3 minutes ) To Far?  I just laughed out loud I was kidding…. hahahahaha totally kidding. Anyways but I did expect to like sparkle in the sun or something…

But I didnt.

Welp, let me just tell you child…. I have NEVER and I mean NEVER, well maybe when I was 15 and or before I had kids.. slept so good in my entire life… ever… I woke up the next day a new woman.. I wasn’t stiff, I slept like a million bucks when I was waking up three and four times a night, and my limp from pain was very minimal! I also had more energy, normally I get tired mid day and for that whole week and the week after I didn’t “need” a nap or an extra coffee.

I went back that day and bought a 7 day pass and went all 7 days!

I highly recommend it and think it would be perfect for people with insomnia, MS, fibromialga or any arthritis or injury..

I will totally do it again and will consider getting a membership!

I will have to find one closer to home.. and it is pretty $$$ to “have” to do.. I would have to swap something out with it.. like no nails or pedis or something but it is pretty worth it!

If you haven’t tried it and have considered it I say go for it!

Let me know if you want me to go with you and I’ll hold your hand!

The tattoo guy finished my design…

With so much going on right now I have to wait to get it, I am thinking after our July 4th trip..

Its perfect. my water. my heart. music. and the coordinates

Have you ever watched this video…. Artist Marina Abramovic was doing a live art performance that consisted of spending one minute of silence with a complete stranger. Many people showed up, but her response to one person in particular gave me the goosebumps, and you’ll soon see why. She hasn’t seen him in 30 years… They left eachother with one last embrace at the great wall of China.

Talk about goosebumps


Dear 15 Year Old Me…

Posted in 30ish Blogs 30ish Days
on June 16, 2017


Would rather listen than read? Welp now you can!

Dear Crystal,

Hey girl! I am almost positive you are reading this in a hurry hanging on every word I am writing and then you will read it 50 more times just to make sure you didn’t miss a thing. You still do that 15 years later, it’s something you will always do. Makes me giggle a bit.. So your dad just got you a new to you camero huh… Your mom is pissed… You are not speed racer, and I get it your boyfriend has the same car but red… please slow down and know that you’re not impressing anyone with your lack there of fast driving. Just turn up your mix tape and enjoy this car while going the speed limit. And stop doing donuts in the Birdville Stadium parking lot before games, your cheer coach already thinks you’re a fuck up… don’t fuel that fire okay?

Something is going to happen to cheerleading, its going to break you’re heart and you are going to feel like you are not okay, but guess what… you are totally okay.. So just do what they say and move on, you will be fine.. Your heart will be broken but your heart will be  fine and Mrs.B will always be a the reason in your head and heart and you will always be bitter about it… even 15 years later.

Ugh, there is so much I want to tell you but so much I want you to learn on your own. One thing I want you to know is that you sure do have a beautiful life.. it will have many up’s and plenty of downs but girl you are one of the strongest people I have ever met…ever. I know you are in such a hurry to grow up right now, pretty sure you have kitchen stuff in lay-a-way at KMart and you pay on it religiously and are so excited about your new apartment with the boy you love. Would it hurt you to just stay at your moms for a little while longer? Maybe finish school first? I know I know you’re not going to listen to what I say, and in all honesty you shouldn’t… You are going to have a lot of fun in that apartment, you’ll learn how to make spaghetti, hamburger helper and even get your fits tattoo… You can thank Nikki Bishop for that one..

Make time for your family more if you can…

Make Les go to dinner with you or make him come to moms and tell her to cook so yall can all have dinner together.. Take more pictures of yall to.. I know you always have your dollar store cameras in your hand so point them in his direction if you can, Lord knows he will eat that up and it will make you laugh forever I promise. Oh and when you see Les at Josh and Jasons with Allen you should tell Allen Mayes that one day you are going to grow up and he should prepare himself for it..  Tell your mom that the Don guy she is dating is a creep, don’t stop telling her this… like tell her over and over again if you can.. Maybe she will listen to you. I know you feel this way about him and let me just tell you, you’re not wrong… you’re feeling is absolutely right! Also, why are you not close with Shannon? Maybe try to build that relationship a bit more, I know she is your sister but I want you to repeat that last sentence.. she is your sister… make the time and make her make the time.. I get it she is weird, playing house with Teddy of all people? But don’t be an asshole.. go over there and just play house with her, oh and when she talks about Josh tell her how stupid he is.. and how great of a man Teddy is..

So about this boy, Sigh…. Just know it will all be worth it, one way or another, no matter what happens in the end its all worth it… I know some people think you are crazy saying you love someone at 15 but you totally do, and he loves you to. You two will literally grow up together. You will shed a BUNCH of tears, and at one point think that it is the end of the world, but guess what its not.. and you will be fine. Stay in an apartment, yes Crystal a house sounds more grownup but your apartment is just fine… no need to move 100 times.  OH and guess what.. y’all are going to have babies.. Seriously…. you think you are in love now… just wait! Don’t worry you’re one hell of a mom.. and you will not have to go through pregnancy alone… You should ready that last part to Stef 🙂

Gosh I am so proud of you..

I want to say that again, I know you don’t hear that often, or ever.. I am so proud of you… so proud of you…

You’re doing great.

So, one thing I do want to tell you… when you turn 18 or so maybe you should call up Heather and see if you can go to Denton for a weekend…to hang out with her. Maybe you guys can go to Hooters for some wings and even go get your oil changed at one of the local shops… Lord knows you’ve never changed your oil.. ever. It’s a college town, you’ll have fun live a little! There is a whole Fate thing I would like to see if exists… I cant say anymore, not sure I would even have to. I’m curious to see how that plays out.

Things in your life will come and go and guess what thats okay, they will bend you but youre way to strong to break. Take them in, let them be and then let them go.. And for petes sake act 15!!! I know you feel like you have to adult right now but you dont, stop letting anyone make you feel like you do… you dont… you can be a kid as long as you want. Cruise Rufe Snow with your friends, Go to sleep overs and parties… if the boy tells you not to tell him to fuck off… because he is probably there anyways. Kiss some more boys, actually kiss a lot more boys.. Oh and you know that one boy, you should fly to Colorado for his graduation, no one showed up… That actually may have changed everything because 15 years later you find out he was just as scared as you were…  That secret journal you keep, at some point in the next few years youre going to want to burn it, dont… save it! There is some good stuff in there, even if it is a bit emo.. youre still kinda emo so it’s fine.. Dont pose naked for a photographer no matter how nice he asks you to, even if you get the negatives still dont do it, Your sister will tell you a secret in a few years and ask you not to tell anyone… tell someone…… just trust me, tell someone. Your dad…. he is going to get re married soon, don’t go in there crying, it’s rude and you will be embarrassed of the pictures for the rest of your life.. give her a chance… I get it shes as old as Les but give her a chance, she may be crazy now but you will actually hold more respect for her than most people in your life down the road.. she has the best heart ever, please try and not be a brat and look past the bullshit.. its beautiful there. Also, tell your dad you love him a lot, kiss him more, hug his neck a little tighter.. I know you already do and stop worrying things will be fine, I just want you to pay closer attention to stuff is all.

A few last things I want you to know and think about.. and listen to me because in fact I do know best… because I am you..

 Stop trying to please everyone… trying to be everything to all the peoples in all the land, you are enough! Stop worrying so much you will get gray soon enough and it needs no help from you trust me….At this point, you’ve got all the tools it takes to trust your instincts, and your instincts are good ones.

Whats with all the dieting? You have your whole life for that and um.. a size six isn’t fat… so knock it off idiot.

And lastly, you will always love, love…. I know that you think you are a sap right now, guess what you totally are… and that is part of you that makes you, you… embrace that shit! Use it… start a blog, a book, a column something.. The best parts of the way your heart loves and how it hears words and hears music you get from your dad.. I mean dont start going to poetry meetings and wearing all black, but just know that this part of you is one of my favorite parts so embrace it.

I wish I could re live it all with you over again…

Its that beautiful.

So be ready <3


The Grayer Version of You.


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