I am going to try this 30 days of thanks this November.
Today is God.
I am thankful for his strength & guidance.
These last few months have been one of the hardest times in my life, and for me that is saying much.. The seasons have come and gone in waves and when normally I am riding the waves it seems like I have been hit in the face and almost drowned over and over again. There has been no constant… I have tried to find the lesson in each day or week and in return I am left half broken or bent wondering what to do the next day or week.
You see I am a planner. Not like a planner of plans because I hate plans, but the ship should run a certain way..
Things are either black or white with me.
I hate gray….
I hate the unknown, someone telling me to wait or I have something to tell you but I cant tell you right now..
Or not being able to “fix” things.
It makes my skin crawl and gives me super bad anxiety.
Each day though, the one thing that has been constant is prayer.
I have prayed more these last few months than I have in quite some time, I have prayed for forgiveness, understanding, I have prayed for my mouth ( haha nooooo) and my mind. I have prayed for peace and especially for guidance.
You see so many people say ” You’re so strong Crystal! I dont know how you do it” but want to know a secret?
I dont know how I do it either.
If it wasnt for God basically picking me up and carrying me half way through anything that I am brought to I wouldn’t be strong… I dont lean on man.. I lean on him. Sometimes I feel like I am in it alone, because I am human and I have weak weak times.. but I am soon comforted by the words of him and it brings peace over my head and heart and I slow down to take a deep breath.
On Sunday’s I go in and fill my cup up with some Pastor Jay at Center Point Church and it takes me through the week or days ahead.. I am a crier at church yall… that music gets me tah bawlin’ but I just lay it all down, you see I dont have to be strong there.. I just weep and feel safe doing so. I bet the people of the church are like O’p the crying girl is back hahahahaha but I walk out cleansed each week and I love that.
So anyway. Today I am thankful for my faith, for God and his guidance.
Because without it I would be lost.